Nope. We're not talking about Ke$ha here. I know, try not to be too disappointed.
I've been in my pajamas all day long -- in fact, I've barely left my room except to make a sandwich. And honestly? This is exactly what I've needed because for the past few weeks, I've been having rehearsal upon rehearsal, choreographing, breakdance, and street. It's been absolutely WONDERFUL, but equally as exhausting. So today I'm taking a breather from homework, people, and physical exertion -- that is, until 7pm today when I'll lead another street rehearsal.
Life has been a bit of a crash course lately. In exactly 7 days, I will be in London with Nottingham's dance portion of the FaceOff competition. I will be breakdancing and dancing street with my team, feeling prouder than ever when we all come together and pull off the routine I have painstakingly choreographed, with the edits and suggestions of my dancers.
A week after that, I will be in Newcastle with Break Soc, battling it up with the best Uni's around. I'll be feeling COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone, but I'll be with my break family, so all will be well no matter what happens. And after all, I'll never become the best I can be if I stay within my comfort zone (with the exception of today ;)).
Time is ticking away until these great competitions, and then I'll be turning in final papers before heading to Italy, Spain, and France for the month of April. When I come back, I'll have one exam and a university full of stressed students to return to for my few remaining weeks.
I don't do endings. And I know the worst possible way to live life is to worry about things ending so you don't enjoy them while they're happening, but how can I not at this point? This isn't like I'm walking off of a college campus (although, technically, college-life will officially be over for me in a few months as well). No, I'll be hopping on an $800 one way flight across 3,000 miles of ocean and land that will separate me from the country and people I have come to love. And I don't know if I can do it. I'm so tired of endings, of pulling my roots out and trying to dig them back in somewhere else every year. And what if the place I want to root down isn't anywhere near "home"?
My only comfort, and my greatest terror, is not knowing the future. I don't know how my life will pan out, I don't know why I was placed here for a measly nine months so I could fall in love with England and then go back to a place that used to feel like home but now seems painfully full of challenges and obstacles that I never thought I would have to face. But I know that all will work out the way that it should, and that all will be well, regardless of what the future brings.
And now I'm going to stop talking like the end is already here, because it's not. I have over 3 months left on this wonderful European continent, and even when May comes to a close, this is by no means the end. Instead, it is the continuation of a journey, an uncertain and ofttimes shaky journey, but a miraculous one at that.
There are no endings in life, only continuous motion, only steps forward. We just have to keep moving.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
"We are human beings!"
Every day my eyes are opened, my heart breaks a little more.
Yesterday was a difficult day for me, which I honestly feel kind of selfish about saying given the reason for my pain.
In my Feminist and Liberation Theology lecture, we watched the Warner Bros film "Romaro" -- a movie depicting the archbishop's role in the preliminary violence leading up to the decade long massacre of a civil war in El Salvador.
The movie was incredibly graphic, necessarily so, but what really shocked me was the complete disrespect that both sides had for each other. These people were separated by their differences -- differences in beliefs, income, ethnicity -- and they used these differences as reasons to kidnap, mutilate, and kill each other. Granted, the political and socioeconomic issues underlying this war are much more complicated than what I have just laid out, but the concept of violence as a means to getting what we want absolutely disgusts me.
And it's everywhere.
We are constantly in the middle of a violent, treacherous world, and sometimes it's more than I can take. It makes me so angry to think that because a Christian doesn't believe a Muslim should be inhabiting his/her homeland, they would shoot this person based on a difference of beliefs. Or that a woman will be abused and raped by her husband, her uncle, her father, her brother, and strangers simply because she is biologically female. Or that an African American man in America is 10x more likely to be incarcerated than a white man.
The list goes on and on... the injustices of this world go on and on. Every day, there are extreme injustices because we are so doggedly determined to focus on DIFFERENCES. One of the most powerful lines said by Romaro in the film bearing his name is screamed when Romaro is locked in a prison cell adjacent to the cell of a fellow priest who is being tortured: "WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!"
WHY can't we ALL EMBRACE THIS???? REGARDLESS of beliefs, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, or class, WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS, and simply BEING ALIVE gives each life INTRINSIC VALUE. What right have we to take someone's life from them on the basis of elevating our own status and deprecating theirs. It's disgusting. And the sooner we stop separating the "sheep from the goats", the sooner our world will find peace. NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. We all have the same beating hearts, the same blood flow, the same ability to inhale and exhale, to feel, to love. It's what makes us human, and it is that HUMANITY that is worth defending, not some ticket to another universe or creation of an elite class.
Until we can realize that it is our HUMANITY that binds us together, we will continue to be content with being kept apart, and we will continue to perpetuate whatever violent, unjust means it takes to keep us separate. There is no equality in separation. We NEED to stop thinking of humanity in terms of "us" and "them". There IS no "us" and "them". There is ONLY "us". All of us.
We are human beings. It's time we started acting like it.
May peace be restored to Egypt on this day of protests with as little bloodshed as possible. Our prayers are with you.
Yesterday was a difficult day for me, which I honestly feel kind of selfish about saying given the reason for my pain.
In my Feminist and Liberation Theology lecture, we watched the Warner Bros film "Romaro" -- a movie depicting the archbishop's role in the preliminary violence leading up to the decade long massacre of a civil war in El Salvador.
The movie was incredibly graphic, necessarily so, but what really shocked me was the complete disrespect that both sides had for each other. These people were separated by their differences -- differences in beliefs, income, ethnicity -- and they used these differences as reasons to kidnap, mutilate, and kill each other. Granted, the political and socioeconomic issues underlying this war are much more complicated than what I have just laid out, but the concept of violence as a means to getting what we want absolutely disgusts me.
And it's everywhere.
We are constantly in the middle of a violent, treacherous world, and sometimes it's more than I can take. It makes me so angry to think that because a Christian doesn't believe a Muslim should be inhabiting his/her homeland, they would shoot this person based on a difference of beliefs. Or that a woman will be abused and raped by her husband, her uncle, her father, her brother, and strangers simply because she is biologically female. Or that an African American man in America is 10x more likely to be incarcerated than a white man.
The list goes on and on... the injustices of this world go on and on. Every day, there are extreme injustices because we are so doggedly determined to focus on DIFFERENCES. One of the most powerful lines said by Romaro in the film bearing his name is screamed when Romaro is locked in a prison cell adjacent to the cell of a fellow priest who is being tortured: "WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!"
WHY can't we ALL EMBRACE THIS???? REGARDLESS of beliefs, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, or class, WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS, and simply BEING ALIVE gives each life INTRINSIC VALUE. What right have we to take someone's life from them on the basis of elevating our own status and deprecating theirs. It's disgusting. And the sooner we stop separating the "sheep from the goats", the sooner our world will find peace. NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. We all have the same beating hearts, the same blood flow, the same ability to inhale and exhale, to feel, to love. It's what makes us human, and it is that HUMANITY that is worth defending, not some ticket to another universe or creation of an elite class.
Until we can realize that it is our HUMANITY that binds us together, we will continue to be content with being kept apart, and we will continue to perpetuate whatever violent, unjust means it takes to keep us separate. There is no equality in separation. We NEED to stop thinking of humanity in terms of "us" and "them". There IS no "us" and "them". There is ONLY "us". All of us.
We are human beings. It's time we started acting like it.
May peace be restored to Egypt on this day of protests with as little bloodshed as possible. Our prayers are with you.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Great Escape
We all need little escapes in our lives -- sometimes we need multiple modes of escape to evade the realities of our daily lives that are too difficult, too depressing, or just too dang boring to deal with.
During this great and grand finals week, my escape has been Grey's Anatomy. Ridiculous, unhealthy amounts of Grey's Anatomy. And what's worse is that I'm watching reruns of a series I have already seen from start to finish. The internet has done terrible things to our brains, allowing us to reach addictive material with the click of our forefinger. Crap.
However, I have already lined up my post-finals relief in the form of Sue Townsend novels -- four of them, to be exact. It seems that I would rather be preoccupied with the bitter existence of fictional characters than to be completely involved in my own. Well, I guess we all go through phases like this. It's the gray weather talking. It's the cabin fever talking. It's the blatant loneliness and instability that stares you in the face every morning while you're brushing your teeth talking. But whoever's talking, this is youth. This is being young. This is what has been idealized throughout centuries, and it's one place that I love being, and hate being at the same time.
Am I fickle? Sure, sometimes. But I'm young, I'm 20 years old. I don't have to have anything figured out, so the world can just stop trying to make me feel guilty for changing my mind. I know where I want to be in 5 years -- a law school graduate, living out my glorious 20s in London, and changing the world. But I have no clue where I'll be in 4 months' time. Or 14 months. Peru? Spain? Geneva? Stuck at home without the financial abilities to live out my dreams? Well, maybe not my dreams. Let's call them my aspirations.
All right. Enough for now. My head's kind of spinning, and I'm getting frustrated. So, here's to being honest, to being real, and to being fearless of being afraid.
During this great and grand finals week, my escape has been Grey's Anatomy. Ridiculous, unhealthy amounts of Grey's Anatomy. And what's worse is that I'm watching reruns of a series I have already seen from start to finish. The internet has done terrible things to our brains, allowing us to reach addictive material with the click of our forefinger. Crap.
However, I have already lined up my post-finals relief in the form of Sue Townsend novels -- four of them, to be exact. It seems that I would rather be preoccupied with the bitter existence of fictional characters than to be completely involved in my own. Well, I guess we all go through phases like this. It's the gray weather talking. It's the cabin fever talking. It's the blatant loneliness and instability that stares you in the face every morning while you're brushing your teeth talking. But whoever's talking, this is youth. This is being young. This is what has been idealized throughout centuries, and it's one place that I love being, and hate being at the same time.
Am I fickle? Sure, sometimes. But I'm young, I'm 20 years old. I don't have to have anything figured out, so the world can just stop trying to make me feel guilty for changing my mind. I know where I want to be in 5 years -- a law school graduate, living out my glorious 20s in London, and changing the world. But I have no clue where I'll be in 4 months' time. Or 14 months. Peru? Spain? Geneva? Stuck at home without the financial abilities to live out my dreams? Well, maybe not my dreams. Let's call them my aspirations.
All right. Enough for now. My head's kind of spinning, and I'm getting frustrated. So, here's to being honest, to being real, and to being fearless of being afraid.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Nonchalance of Every Day Life
I did absolutely nothing of importance today.
Okay, that's not entirely true. I miscounted my credit requirements for graduation at least ten times, slept 14 hours, caught up on the news in Spanish, drank a gazillion cups of tea, threw up, and listened to new Missy Elliot with irresistibly excessive bass. And watched the rain fall. So clearly I am doing big and important things with my life.
Just kidding. I truly am, just not today. And sometimes I have to tell myself to slow down and be okay with having a day of rest. Goodness. I do everything fast -- eat, write, read, learn, run... sort of, on a good day... ;) and I can never seem to slow down. Goodness. I even drink my tea fast. This is just wrong. Tea, in its very nature, was intended to be savored. For real.
So this was my day of rest, which was quite awkwardly placed during finals week, but you know what? It was worth it. Maybe I did nothing more important today than catching up on my friends' lives at Seattle Grace, but hey, life is all about balance, and today was about finding mine.
I took today to sort out of my life -- to plan registration for summer classes, to be sure that I will graduate in a few months, to look up human rights internships, etc. And I am happy to report, my friends, that my life is starting to look incredibly promising, even if it won't actually feel like it is beginning for a few years, but hey, that's all right, too. After all, I'm graduating college at the ripe old age of 20, so I clearly have the rest of my life to go to law school and become an international lawyer batting for people's rights to the basic joys of humanity. YES. I can't wait. And clearly, I'm starting now, with writing articles and volunteering and all that jazz. It's never too early to get involved, people.
OH YEAH. And I wrote a song today! I forgot about that. I always feel accomplished when I write a song or choreograph a dance. Maybe that should tell me something about my soul's idea of success ;) Love it. Still artsy, even when I'm preparing to go kick some serious global... you know ;)
Go get some, people. Love yourselves, love others. Go make a difference, because you can, and you do, and you will, if you are willing to try.
LOVE.
Okay, that's not entirely true. I miscounted my credit requirements for graduation at least ten times, slept 14 hours, caught up on the news in Spanish, drank a gazillion cups of tea, threw up, and listened to new Missy Elliot with irresistibly excessive bass. And watched the rain fall. So clearly I am doing big and important things with my life.
Just kidding. I truly am, just not today. And sometimes I have to tell myself to slow down and be okay with having a day of rest. Goodness. I do everything fast -- eat, write, read, learn, run... sort of, on a good day... ;) and I can never seem to slow down. Goodness. I even drink my tea fast. This is just wrong. Tea, in its very nature, was intended to be savored. For real.
So this was my day of rest, which was quite awkwardly placed during finals week, but you know what? It was worth it. Maybe I did nothing more important today than catching up on my friends' lives at Seattle Grace, but hey, life is all about balance, and today was about finding mine.
I took today to sort out of my life -- to plan registration for summer classes, to be sure that I will graduate in a few months, to look up human rights internships, etc. And I am happy to report, my friends, that my life is starting to look incredibly promising, even if it won't actually feel like it is beginning for a few years, but hey, that's all right, too. After all, I'm graduating college at the ripe old age of 20, so I clearly have the rest of my life to go to law school and become an international lawyer batting for people's rights to the basic joys of humanity. YES. I can't wait. And clearly, I'm starting now, with writing articles and volunteering and all that jazz. It's never too early to get involved, people.
OH YEAH. And I wrote a song today! I forgot about that. I always feel accomplished when I write a song or choreograph a dance. Maybe that should tell me something about my soul's idea of success ;) Love it. Still artsy, even when I'm preparing to go kick some serious global... you know ;)
Go get some, people. Love yourselves, love others. Go make a difference, because you can, and you do, and you will, if you are willing to try.
LOVE.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The Summary
Well, beautiful people, there is no logical way for me to completely update you on the past month of travels. I wish I could type up my journal entries and allow you to relive my experiences with me, but that would take an incredible amount of effort and would be slightly unethical, don't you think? So my plan is to give you a summary, because for the first time all month I've had the time and energy to pen one for you.
London: How completely wonderful is London? I LOVE IT. London is most certainly the town for me. Hoping to live there in a year or so, at least that's the plan at present. Stayed in London for 5 days, seeing all the major sites (Tate Modern, Tower Bridge, Tower of London, Big Ben, House of Parliament, Westminster, the London Eye)... in short, everything I've always dreamed of seeing and more. It was like a fairytale, and I'm sorry to use that reference, but I honestly don't know how else to describe it. Scenes from movies suddenly came to life for me -- the most memorable being Tower Bridge and Big Ben. First off, I totally thought London Bridge was Tower Bridge. It's not. It's a totally different bridge... whoops. When I realized this, I took the obligatory picture on London Bridge before walking briskly down the riverside to Tower Bridge. As I walked across it, pictures from the Lindsay Lohan version of the Parent Trap ran through my mind, complete with "Here Comes the Sun" playing in the background. IT WAS UNREAL. And Big Ben? Yeah. I mosey up the stairs from the Westminster Tube stop, look up to my right, and BAM. There was Big Ben in all it's glory. That moment will stay with me forever... We completed our absolutely perfect stay in London by seeing The Lion King in London's West End. When the curtains opened and The Circle of Life began, I started crying it was so beautiful. And once again, unreal. I never would have imagined that I would be sitting in a theatre at West End watching the Lion King live. So incredible.
Greece: Let's take this in parts, shall we?
Athens: Oh Athens. It was nothing like I expected it to be. We had some serious travel/accommodations mishaps, costing us over 140 euros to find ourselves in a safe location. My suitcase wheels will never be the same after dragging my 15 kilo duffle around the pothole laden, grimy streets of rainy Athens. Athens redeeming grace is found in the amazingly helpful staff at the Pan Hotel, the little bakery up the street from where we were staying, and of course, the Pantheon. The only way to really show you how much I appreciated the historical beauty of these ancient buildings is to raid my pictures when I have a chance to upload them in a week or so, so I highly recommend this :)
Olympia: Another travel adventure. Oh the bus system. Kind of terrifying, really, especially the bus workers who breathe fire. When we finally arrived, we realized that there was absolutely nothing open, and that there wouldn't be as it wasn't tourist season, and that there wouldn't be a bus out of there for two days because of its remote location. Again, Olympia's saving grace was in its amazing monuments and the gargantuan ruins of Zeus's Temple, which is considered one of the 7 wonders of the ancient world. It is breathtaking to imagine that I actually have seen these ancient temples. Truly amazing. Although the town was shut down, it was lovely to be in the mountains, eating oranges straight off the trees. However, I don't think I'll eat an orange for a very long time: to save money, they became a huge part of our diet.
Nafplion: Nafplion, oh Nafplion. We almost died getting there by haphazard bus/taxi driving on winding mountain roads (did you know that it's perfectly safe to drive a coach bus on a mountain while laughing hysterically on the phone and writing things down? I didn't know this either. Wow, we learn new things every day, don't we?) And I kind of thought the taxi driver, who didn't speak English, might kill us with his own bare hands when he started punching the air while HE was on the phone. When we finally got to our hotel, I was more relieved than I have ever been to find that I was alive. Nafplion, cradled on the coast of the Aegean Sea, was more beautiful than I could have believed. With three fortresses nestled in the mountains and a turquoise blue sea surrounding the peninsula dotted with palm trees and seaside restaurants, Nafplion was everything I had hoped to heaven it would be. We spend several amazing days reveling in the beauty of this secluded haven, cut off from the busy, dirty, and often dangerous other parts of Greece we had previously encountered. Christmas we spent in Athens, waiting for our plane, but in the end, Greece was worth it.
Geneva, Switzerland: Geneva was SO CLEAN. And gorgeous as well, not as cold as I had thought it would be. It was so much fun to be surrounded with French, although I can barely speak it, and to be in a hostel that was conveniently located, clean, and safe. Again, check out my pictures when you get a chance, because descriptions just won't cut it. A wonderful way to unwind and breathe some fresh air (quite literally).
Germany, Part I = Kassel: Another transportation adventure, with canceled flights, rebookings, and running around the airport by myself with my head nearly cut off. I have never felt like more of an adult in my life, and besides the welling up a little bit at the information desk, I think I handled the situation competently. Finally at a friend's home, I was welcomed in true German fashion, with meat and beer almost every night, and an incredible amount of sweets. I'm just lucky they don't weigh passengers as well as luggage, because I'd undoubtedly be paying some sort of fee... Lots of time to relax and enjoy the community of family and friends, and to explore the German countryside, which was invariably familiar to that of Minnesota. This is where the homesickness sets in.
Germany, Part II = Hamburg: More learning how to travel on my own, and feeling glad that I have mastered another city's public transportation system :) I'm such a city person. I love it. Company has been wonderful here, also great to have my own room once again. Here I feel like I can adequately prepare for exams and the rest of my life (which is approaching much too rapidly to feel any sense of security at all).
Onto London in a few days. Beloved London. I cannot wait to be back. Much thanks and everlasting gratitude to those that have graciously welcomed me into their homes and families this past month. My journeys would not have been the same without you all.
If I have learned anything, it is that I am fully capable of surviving on my own. I can navigate sprawling cities, 5 languages, and bipass transportation disasters with more ease than I ever would have believed had you asked me a year ago. I am coming into my own, and I am finding myself to be competent, confident, and able. However, I am getting lonely. Lonelier than I thought I would. I miss my family at Nott, as much as I miss my family at home. I'm ready to be back with the familiarity of friendly faces and little quircks and my roommate's Indian singing in the shower. I miss these things. And what I have realized most of all is that no matter where I go, or what amazing things I am blessed to see, it is never as meaningful if I see and experience them alone.
I have learned that I can completely survive on my own, and that I pray I never have to. After all, what imprints us the most will not be the things that we see, but the people we meet and let into our lives. It is people that make life worth living, not buildings and monuments. And I never intend to live without community, without love, without my people. I miss my people. And as much as I have adored traveling, I am ready to be back in that flat in Nottingham, with all my people.
London: How completely wonderful is London? I LOVE IT. London is most certainly the town for me. Hoping to live there in a year or so, at least that's the plan at present. Stayed in London for 5 days, seeing all the major sites (Tate Modern, Tower Bridge, Tower of London, Big Ben, House of Parliament, Westminster, the London Eye)... in short, everything I've always dreamed of seeing and more. It was like a fairytale, and I'm sorry to use that reference, but I honestly don't know how else to describe it. Scenes from movies suddenly came to life for me -- the most memorable being Tower Bridge and Big Ben. First off, I totally thought London Bridge was Tower Bridge. It's not. It's a totally different bridge... whoops. When I realized this, I took the obligatory picture on London Bridge before walking briskly down the riverside to Tower Bridge. As I walked across it, pictures from the Lindsay Lohan version of the Parent Trap ran through my mind, complete with "Here Comes the Sun" playing in the background. IT WAS UNREAL. And Big Ben? Yeah. I mosey up the stairs from the Westminster Tube stop, look up to my right, and BAM. There was Big Ben in all it's glory. That moment will stay with me forever... We completed our absolutely perfect stay in London by seeing The Lion King in London's West End. When the curtains opened and The Circle of Life began, I started crying it was so beautiful. And once again, unreal. I never would have imagined that I would be sitting in a theatre at West End watching the Lion King live. So incredible.
Greece: Let's take this in parts, shall we?
Athens: Oh Athens. It was nothing like I expected it to be. We had some serious travel/accommodations mishaps, costing us over 140 euros to find ourselves in a safe location. My suitcase wheels will never be the same after dragging my 15 kilo duffle around the pothole laden, grimy streets of rainy Athens. Athens redeeming grace is found in the amazingly helpful staff at the Pan Hotel, the little bakery up the street from where we were staying, and of course, the Pantheon. The only way to really show you how much I appreciated the historical beauty of these ancient buildings is to raid my pictures when I have a chance to upload them in a week or so, so I highly recommend this :)
Olympia: Another travel adventure. Oh the bus system. Kind of terrifying, really, especially the bus workers who breathe fire. When we finally arrived, we realized that there was absolutely nothing open, and that there wouldn't be as it wasn't tourist season, and that there wouldn't be a bus out of there for two days because of its remote location. Again, Olympia's saving grace was in its amazing monuments and the gargantuan ruins of Zeus's Temple, which is considered one of the 7 wonders of the ancient world. It is breathtaking to imagine that I actually have seen these ancient temples. Truly amazing. Although the town was shut down, it was lovely to be in the mountains, eating oranges straight off the trees. However, I don't think I'll eat an orange for a very long time: to save money, they became a huge part of our diet.
Nafplion: Nafplion, oh Nafplion. We almost died getting there by haphazard bus/taxi driving on winding mountain roads (did you know that it's perfectly safe to drive a coach bus on a mountain while laughing hysterically on the phone and writing things down? I didn't know this either. Wow, we learn new things every day, don't we?) And I kind of thought the taxi driver, who didn't speak English, might kill us with his own bare hands when he started punching the air while HE was on the phone. When we finally got to our hotel, I was more relieved than I have ever been to find that I was alive. Nafplion, cradled on the coast of the Aegean Sea, was more beautiful than I could have believed. With three fortresses nestled in the mountains and a turquoise blue sea surrounding the peninsula dotted with palm trees and seaside restaurants, Nafplion was everything I had hoped to heaven it would be. We spend several amazing days reveling in the beauty of this secluded haven, cut off from the busy, dirty, and often dangerous other parts of Greece we had previously encountered. Christmas we spent in Athens, waiting for our plane, but in the end, Greece was worth it.
Geneva, Switzerland: Geneva was SO CLEAN. And gorgeous as well, not as cold as I had thought it would be. It was so much fun to be surrounded with French, although I can barely speak it, and to be in a hostel that was conveniently located, clean, and safe. Again, check out my pictures when you get a chance, because descriptions just won't cut it. A wonderful way to unwind and breathe some fresh air (quite literally).
Germany, Part I = Kassel: Another transportation adventure, with canceled flights, rebookings, and running around the airport by myself with my head nearly cut off. I have never felt like more of an adult in my life, and besides the welling up a little bit at the information desk, I think I handled the situation competently. Finally at a friend's home, I was welcomed in true German fashion, with meat and beer almost every night, and an incredible amount of sweets. I'm just lucky they don't weigh passengers as well as luggage, because I'd undoubtedly be paying some sort of fee... Lots of time to relax and enjoy the community of family and friends, and to explore the German countryside, which was invariably familiar to that of Minnesota. This is where the homesickness sets in.
Germany, Part II = Hamburg: More learning how to travel on my own, and feeling glad that I have mastered another city's public transportation system :) I'm such a city person. I love it. Company has been wonderful here, also great to have my own room once again. Here I feel like I can adequately prepare for exams and the rest of my life (which is approaching much too rapidly to feel any sense of security at all).
Onto London in a few days. Beloved London. I cannot wait to be back. Much thanks and everlasting gratitude to those that have graciously welcomed me into their homes and families this past month. My journeys would not have been the same without you all.
If I have learned anything, it is that I am fully capable of surviving on my own. I can navigate sprawling cities, 5 languages, and bipass transportation disasters with more ease than I ever would have believed had you asked me a year ago. I am coming into my own, and I am finding myself to be competent, confident, and able. However, I am getting lonely. Lonelier than I thought I would. I miss my family at Nott, as much as I miss my family at home. I'm ready to be back with the familiarity of friendly faces and little quircks and my roommate's Indian singing in the shower. I miss these things. And what I have realized most of all is that no matter where I go, or what amazing things I am blessed to see, it is never as meaningful if I see and experience them alone.
I have learned that I can completely survive on my own, and that I pray I never have to. After all, what imprints us the most will not be the things that we see, but the people we meet and let into our lives. It is people that make life worth living, not buildings and monuments. And I never intend to live without community, without love, without my people. I miss my people. And as much as I have adored traveling, I am ready to be back in that flat in Nottingham, with all my people.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Let the Travels Begin!
Well, I head out for a month-long holiday adventure through Europe at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning.
And it hasn't dawned on me yet. At all. Maybe that means I'm getting extremely good at living in the moment?
I honestly am just in awe that I have this opportunity... like... seriously? I'll be in London with all the lights up in the Christmas spirit, in Greece for Christmas itself, and then off to Switzerland and Germany to finish off the holiday. WHAT KIND OF OPPORTUNITIES ARE THESE??? Awesome ones. That's the only acceptable answer. Bam.
I do not understand how I came to draw the lucky straw. I am so incredibly INCREDIBLY lucky, and I plan on living out every moment to its fullest -- minus the whole packing thing. That still needs to happen...
Well, I was missing home like crazy today... as many of you know because I went all video-happy and sent many of you oh-so-touching (aka pointless) video messages via facebook this morning. Sigh. It's hard for me to feel like I should be in two places at once. But hey, I can't. And I'm here, and honestly, there's no place I would rather be. I have found myself here, I have come into my own, I have my future all lined up and ready to go. I can hardly believe my good fortune. I have been given the opportunity to throw myself into a new culture for 9 months, and to spend 3 of those months abroad in other cultures. AHHHHHHHHHHH. And for some reason I'm telling my heart to stop racing right now. It's SO fine for me to be excited at this point, I mean, I'm leaving TOMORROW for the ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME. Gosh, I can be so mediocre sometimes. Silly.
So anyway, I hope to update along the way, but basically, I love life. So much. And I will never forget this year -- it will be a part of me forever.
However, I love you all, and I can't wait to be back with you, no matter how much things may have seemed to change -- love remains the same.
As is English custom, I leave you with kisses:
xx
And it hasn't dawned on me yet. At all. Maybe that means I'm getting extremely good at living in the moment?
I honestly am just in awe that I have this opportunity... like... seriously? I'll be in London with all the lights up in the Christmas spirit, in Greece for Christmas itself, and then off to Switzerland and Germany to finish off the holiday. WHAT KIND OF OPPORTUNITIES ARE THESE??? Awesome ones. That's the only acceptable answer. Bam.
I do not understand how I came to draw the lucky straw. I am so incredibly INCREDIBLY lucky, and I plan on living out every moment to its fullest -- minus the whole packing thing. That still needs to happen...
Well, I was missing home like crazy today... as many of you know because I went all video-happy and sent many of you oh-so-touching (aka pointless) video messages via facebook this morning. Sigh. It's hard for me to feel like I should be in two places at once. But hey, I can't. And I'm here, and honestly, there's no place I would rather be. I have found myself here, I have come into my own, I have my future all lined up and ready to go. I can hardly believe my good fortune. I have been given the opportunity to throw myself into a new culture for 9 months, and to spend 3 of those months abroad in other cultures. AHHHHHHHHHHH. And for some reason I'm telling my heart to stop racing right now. It's SO fine for me to be excited at this point, I mean, I'm leaving TOMORROW for the ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME. Gosh, I can be so mediocre sometimes. Silly.
So anyway, I hope to update along the way, but basically, I love life. So much. And I will never forget this year -- it will be a part of me forever.
However, I love you all, and I can't wait to be back with you, no matter how much things may have seemed to change -- love remains the same.
As is English custom, I leave you with kisses:
xx
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Snow :)
I have never loved snow so much in my life. One of my fondest memories in the snow happened about five years ago. My sister and I had donned our snowpants and set out on an adventure across the "wild" terrain behind our house. Two hours later, we were lost, I was freezing (freeze-baby that I am) and had surrendered myself to certain death by laying in the nearest 3 foot tall snowbank (which happened to be right next to me as I was surrounded by an ocean of 3 foot tall snowbanks). I could see a neighborhood, but not our neighborhood, and in my despair, I dramatically declared to my sister that I was going to die there, at which point she yanked me up and began running through the snow, dragging my freezing, useless body after her. Needless to say, we made it home.
But today, I was on my own. I was in a foreign country with nothing but time and homework to hold me back. I followed my heart to the city centre, where my heart is often residing, and roamed around the beautiful decorated streets, feeling the large clumps of snow as they danced lazily onto my face and hair. I mailed three postcards I had had written for at least a month (be expecting, ladies!) and then headed off in search of an upstairs cafe where I could write and work on homework away from the turmoil of the busy street shoppers.
However, due to the ridiculous Nottingham property taxes, there are only two cafes with upstairs seating that I could find, and as I was determined not to enter an American Starbucks while in England, I headed to the very familiar Waterstone's bookstore where I ended up at a table perched right at the top of a noisy escalator. I did my best to pretend that the whir of the escalator was soothing, but ended up turning up John Mayer on my ipod instead.
I may have been on my own today, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I couldn't stop smiling all day long -- partly because I was listening to John Mayer for 2 hours straight, partly because the snow was so breathtakingly beautiful I could hardly contain myself, partly because Christmas has wrapped its arms around Market Square -- but mostly because I am free, independent, and alive. I have been blessed with such an incredible opportunity to live out every moment of every day in a foreign country until June. How absolutely wonderful is that? I have never felt so empowered, so wonderful in all my life. I feel so free. Free from organized institutions, free to be who I want to be, free to explore, free to know myself like I have never known myself before. Free to change. Free to be happy and content with change.
I hope that the beginning of your winters have been as wonderful as mine has. There is nothing like a fresh coat of snow to remind us that everything will be alright, everything can turn out the way we want it to, if we only allow ourselves to be flexible and never allow ourselves to stop hoping for the best.
I leave you with a tiny poem I wrote alongside that boisterous escalator in Waterstone's:
Darling, life is beautiful
All you need do is open your eyes
See the loveliness all around you
Why are you hiding from it?
There is nothing to fear
Only yourself
Let go, escape
Fall back into the arms of reality
Relax into the beat of your own heart
This is your life
Wake up and live it
Don't let anyone hold you down
Don't let anything hold you back
All you have is this minute in today
Will you hold onto it
Or let it fly?
Love to all.
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