ALIVE.

Today was GREAT, and amazingly productive. I went to class bright and early, headed to the library after class to check out a book on short loan (6 hours...), and traveled downtown to Rosy's Tea Shop in the city centre, where I proceeded to read 230 textbook pages in under 3 hours and complete my weekend plans, all while drinking a Belgian dark hot chocolate and rockin' my roommate's stiletto boots. Bam ba bam.

I love my life.

But throughout the past week, the love factor hasn't exactly been present. I'm going through some serious transitions in my life, which are complicated, messy, and necessary, and so am under a considerable amount of emotional stress on a daily basis. Without close friends and family nearby, this has been a bit of a battle, depending on whether or not I decide to acknowledge my inner turmoil that day. However, I know that I am on the road to finding me -- rather, I am on the road to accepting the fact that there will never be a set "me", that I am a fluid human being who changes on a daily basis. Consistency may be comforting at times, but I find that, in this circumstance, my desire for consistency within myself is the cowardly way out. Instead, I'm now striving to find peace in my fluidity, and confidence in my ability to grow, change, and fluctuate with my environment.

Basically, I've been holding myself back. I've been so worried about the changes happening within myself that I have understandably doubted who I am. And that, my friends, is one of the most difficult processes to undergo, and one we can expect to undergo numerous times in our lives. So the past week has been a little rough -- I've done a lot of thinking, a lot of staying in one place (possibly trying to compensate for the constant running around of my thoughts), etc. But I realized that I can only take so much of that... life was starting to get gloomy.

So I've reached out to people I care about and want to get to know better. I'm done holding myself back from experiencing my life to the fullest. I headed to Dogma (a club by Lace Market that hosts dance-offs every Tuesday) last night with a few of the breakdancing guys, and it was AWESOME. Did I have the guts to show my skills? Nope. Not yet. :) But I'll get there. I went off on my own to experience something outside of my comfort zone, and it was glorious.

Today I established within myself that I am more than able to thrive in my skin. I haven't been letting myself enjoy being me. Instead of loving myself and laughing at myself or whatever the case may be, I had neutralized my emotions towards myself in order to... I don't even know. What was I doing? C'mon. I am ANYTHING but neutral. I am alive, and I love being me, and maybe some days I have pimples or an extra pound around the thighs or whatever. But hey, those are parts of me, too, and there's no reason for us to hate ourselves for our imperfections. We should embrace those "imperfections", if they should even be called that, as part of life, as part of ourselves, and move forward graciously. We accept other people for who they are, why can't we accept ourselves with the same amount of grace?

So there you have it, a blog post barely about England, and very much about me IN England. But that's okay. It needed to be said.

One last thought: I don't think I could ever be with anyone who routinely sneezed into their hands. I mean, c'mon, that's what elbows are for.

Love you all, enjoy the little moments!
Amy