Tick Tock

Nope. We're not talking about Ke$ha here. I know, try not to be too disappointed.

I've been in my pajamas all day long -- in fact, I've barely left my room except to make a sandwich. And honestly? This is exactly what I've needed because for the past few weeks, I've been having rehearsal upon rehearsal, choreographing, breakdance, and street. It's been absolutely WONDERFUL, but equally as exhausting. So today I'm taking a breather from homework, people, and physical exertion -- that is, until 7pm today when I'll lead another street rehearsal.

Life has been a bit of a crash course lately. In exactly 7 days, I will be in London with Nottingham's dance portion of the FaceOff competition. I will be breakdancing and dancing street with my team, feeling prouder than ever when we all come together and pull off the routine I have painstakingly choreographed, with the edits and suggestions of my dancers.

A week after that, I will be in Newcastle with Break Soc, battling it up with the best Uni's around. I'll be feeling COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone, but I'll be with my break family, so all will be well no matter what happens. And after all, I'll never become the best I can be if I stay within my comfort zone (with the exception of today ;)).

Time is ticking away until these great competitions, and then I'll be turning in final papers before heading to Italy, Spain, and France for the month of April. When I come back, I'll have one exam and a university full of stressed students to return to for my few remaining weeks.

I don't do endings. And I know the worst possible way to live life is to worry about things ending so you don't enjoy them while they're happening, but how can I not at this point? This isn't like I'm walking off of a college campus (although, technically, college-life will officially be over for me in a few months as well). No, I'll be hopping on an $800 one way flight across 3,000 miles of ocean and land that will separate me from the country and people I have come to love. And I don't know if I can do it. I'm so tired of endings, of pulling my roots out and trying to dig them back in somewhere else every year. And what if the place I want to root down isn't anywhere near "home"?

My only comfort, and my greatest terror, is not knowing the future. I don't know how my life will pan out, I don't know why I was placed here for a measly nine months so I could fall in love with England and then go back to a place that used to feel like home but now seems painfully full of challenges and obstacles that I never thought I would have to face. But I know that all will work out the way that it should, and that all will be well, regardless of what the future brings.

And now I'm going to stop talking like the end is already here, because it's not. I have over 3 months left on this wonderful European continent, and even when May comes to a close, this is by no means the end. Instead, it is the continuation of a journey, an uncertain and ofttimes shaky journey, but a miraculous one at that.

There are no endings in life, only continuous motion, only steps forward. We just have to keep moving.